Friday, September 22, 2006

Libraries need money too

Why can't I live the life of luxury I so richly deserve? If I had oodles of money, I would be more than happy to donate lots of it to the less fortunate while swimming in my indoor pool every day. I guess I don't need to be filthy disgusting rich, but I'd like to have enough cash to never have to work again (with a house on the water with that pool thing for the winter), give enough to my family so they never have to work again and give a bunch of cash to the local libraries and other worthy causes. Is that asking too much?

If I was loaded (not drunk), the library would be one of my first choices for donations. Let me explain why. My husband (that sounds weird) and I recently stopped by the library after work. I'm a big reader and now that I'm done with school, I would rather fritter my time with a book. I'll do anything to avoid "housework." So, we go to the library and we spend an hour or two perusing the stacks. The selection was horrible. It was all "feel good chick books." Bad feel good chick books. And the children's' section was huge (a good thing).

Now, I like reading crap just as much as the next person. And I think that any good library should have lots of crap. But they should also have the good books too.

Could it be the neighborhood? The library is located in an affluent area. Do yuppies have bad taste in literature? I thought they all read the Oprah "book of the month" books. (ok, it's makes me insane when I want to buy a book and it says Oprah on it.)

Maybe they're too busy home-schooling to read decent books. My step-father's daughter is home-schooling her spawn. She's one of those people who sends out those holiday letters from hell. Does anyone like reading those? It's not as if it's filled with interesting gossip or something. It's just annoying bragging. "Oh, my spawn is the smartest, most talented spawn ever!!" Who gives a hoot? We'd rather hear the dirt. I'm waiting for a letter like this: "well, the oldest has been kicked out of his third school. Frankly, I think that violent streak comes from his mother. And in case you haven't heard, the wife and I are finally getting divorced. Oh, and by the way, the kids aren't even mine." Ok, maybe it would be sad and horrible, but at least it would be an interesting read. Back to the step-sister type person. Every time she sends out one of these holiday letters, I'm compelled to take a red pen and make corrections. Then I show it to my sisters. And we cackle like the hens we can be. Every time I see her, I want to tell her that Word has spell check. And it checks grammar too. Not that I'm perfect.

Sure, I have a little animosity towards her. We can't have a family photo with our awesome stepfather without including her. Every time she sees a family photo, she wants to throw up and she can't help but get a bit teary. Boo-effing-hoo. Shut up, grow up and get over it. She sees our family about once a year and is offended by being excluded from a family photo? She was out of the house when our parents got together! It's not as though we grew up with her and are ignoring her. Whatever. She annoys me. And her husband is mean to her too. And he's an artist. He draws dogs and cars. And flags. From pictures--not that I'm mocking, because I don't have that skill. And she doesn't read books!

What kind of people don't read books? I've been reading forever! I remember my mom keeping the "tawdry" books out of my reach when I was a kid. As if that could stop me. I could just get them at the library. And now these books are apparently the only kind of book certain libraries carry. If I'm going to change the libraries, I'm going to need money--oodles of it. I'm not against winning the lottery, but I won't mind if my biological family comes to find me and gives me my rightful inheritance (along with my castle in Wales). Wish me luck!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Holy F-Bombs, Batman! Don't ever have a wedding reception! Really.

All I wanted was a nice cocktail party with flowing booze and lots of interesting niblets. (You can get some interesting ideas here: Nothing to fancy. We could just mingle, drink and have a good time.

But noooooo! It has to turn into a total bloody reception. With lavender napkins and favors and horrible, horrible sweet champagne. What is up with that???? I like DRY wines!!! You know, my mom is the greatest, but I can't say no to her. I just can't. And it's not because I'm adopted, because the rest of my family is absolutely the same way. Really.

So, after I annul this marriage, I swear I'm eloping for the next one. And he better have more money too.